Postpartum Self Care for Mom: Fill Your Cup
Mindset
Your perspective is key to making time for yourself. Self-care time is less likely to happen if you do not value yourself and if your self-talk is leading you astray. The reality that you must first worry about mindset can be frustrating when you are worn out, your brain is mush, and you have raging hormones.
Just the idea of shifting your time and attention to yourself may feel selfish or cause anxiety. Take a 15-minute shower? Are you kidding me (eye roll, sob)?
During the days and months following your baby’s arrival seemingly small, but daily self-care gestures can serve as reminders, “I am still me. I am tired, but deserve to feel restored. I am not only a caretaker to others. There is light at the end of the tunnel. This time is fleeting, but in the meantime, I am not forgotten. I will feel like myself again. ”.
Adopt positive affirmations to repeat when the negative thoughts creep in. “I am doing what is most important in this moment. I am important.”
The birth of a new child signals a time of hope, change, and vulnerability. This time often reveals our own emotional needs, areas yearning for change, and old wounds. We all have them.
Recognize any guilt you feel about letting go of some things and taking time for yourself.
Notice possible feelings of shame wishing you were okay with three hours of sleep or that you want to be just like your friend that appeared to breeze through motherhood effortlessly.
These are common struggles.
Your early postpartum days are likely not the best time to go deep and address the roots of these feelings, but make note that they are there. Practice being your own mama bear and tell those thoughts, “You are hurting my heart and making me feel like a failure. I am a unique, amazing mom and person. Not today, negative thoughts! ”.
When you’re in the shower and feeling like you can’t be away for more than a few minutes take deep breaths, listen to the water, or blast Spotify on your phone, and enjoy this well-deserved moment.
Once you believe that your self-care is essential you will be more likely to prioritize yourself and make time for self care.
Back to the Basics
You will give yourself the best chance of thriving if you get back to the basics. If something is “off” reflect on your hydration, nutrition, and time outdoors. And dare I say rest and better yet sleep.
Hydration is essential to healing, feeling energetic, and your milk supply if you are breastfeeding. Avoid lots of caffeine and sugary drinks and drink consistently throughout the day.
The planning and prep required by healthy eating can be daunting, but allow yourself to reach for nutritious convenience items like fruits and veggies that are already peeled and chopped. Frozen food is good to have on hand in case you haven’t made it to the store for fresh food. Make a couple days’ worth of protein smoothie, so it is ready to grab during your busy day. Keep taking your prenatal vitamin as long as advised by your healthcare provider.
Your home can begin to feel like a cave where you are disconnected from the world. Getting some sun, feeling the breeze across your face, and moongazing will help your waking-rest cycle and will keep you grounded.
Get outside every day even if it’s just walking to the mailbox or taking the dog out for a break. Days and nights meld together during the early days of baby being home and your body’s rhythm can be disturbed, but moving your body and getting fresh air can help.
Sleep and rest are touchy subjects for new moms. There is a wide variety of experiences from surprisingly blissful to delirious exhaustion and ironically, insomnia. “Sleep while your baby is sleeping.” is common advice that many new moms loathe and find impractical.
You have to find the approach that works for you, but there are a few tips to keep in mind.
Studies have shown that relaxation with your eyes closed and a clear mind, that while not a substitute for sleep, is still beneficial.
Many moms find their self care time late at night when everyone else is in bed and maybe you have a burst of energy. Do your best to avoid this by caring for yourself during waking hours; this tells your heart that you are not just an after-thought getting the leftovers of the day and missing sleep for the other fulfillment you need.
Do the Math
You are about to do some major addition in the time, energy, love, and attention columns. So, do some subtraction in other areas. Be open minded and do a realistic evaluation of where your time is currently going. Things that were once thought to be necessity can be re-evaluated.
Before delivery as a family start looking at you time commitments. Time will be as precious as gold as you adjust to family + one and there should be a nugget for your self-care here and there.
Where can you simplify and streamline even if only temporarily? It can be hard to let go. We want to do it all and don’t want our other loved ones to feel burdened or neglected.
Can your partner do some juggling with his schedule? Can he pick-up the grocery order on the way home? Rethink activities and roles for your older children; Is it time for them to start Mother’s Day Out a couple of days per week or can they take on more responsibility?
Don’t add anything new and optional for a few months. It’s not the time for you to start soccer for your 4-year-old when your babe is a month old. Or if sister cannot wait to get on the field get a commitment from your partner that he will be in-charge of practices, the logistics, and this activity can be their special, one-on-one time together.
Finding a balance between being flexible , but also committed to the importance of “less is more” during this time will be a sanity saver. A rigid plan or schedule will be too stressful, but many times holding firm to your new priorities and saying, “no” will be required, so there is space for you. And always be prepared for surprises and the unexpected as things rarely turn-out exactly as we envision.
Lastly, if you are returning to work contemplate what that will look like time-wise, but tackle one phase at a time and only address what you must. Being in the moment will lighten your mental load and help you enjoy each day with your baby.
Every detail will not be perfect. Some days will not work out. But have a few possible times in mind throughout the day where you are the focus. Re-evaluating how your time is spent each day will make it more likely that me-time is achieved.
Context: How do mamas do it? How can I take care of myself?
We are not meant to do the newborn days all by ourselves or even amongst just mom and dad. In today’s times most families are “siloed” and don’t have an extended support system.
Most people no longer live with or near family. (Yes! Living together as a multi-generational village used to be the norm! ) Everyone has their own lives and there is no mother or sister available to help you around the clock in the coming weeks. In human history this is a new scenario and likely unsustainable, but here you are mothering at a time where maybe it is just you and baby.
This cultural issue is too big to tackle at the moment , but it may explain some of your confusion about the situation you are facing. What is your new definition of feeling like your day was successful? Holding your baby all day, popping a frozen lasagna in the oven, and stretching on your yoga mat for thirty minutes after baby goes down for the night? Well-done, mama. You are doing so much. Give yourself all the credit and appreciate yourself. You are a rock star.
Phone A Friend
Maybe you do have friends and family that are available and want to help. Asking for help is a mind-set. It is a tough and an emotionally complex issue. Moms must feel worthy to receive help, be willing to admit they cannot “do it all”, be vulnerable and let go of control (Do not rearrange the dishwasher loaded by your M.I.L.) , and be brave with the possibility that someone may reject their request.
Practice being authentic and honest by accepting gifts of time and acts of service. If your bestie offers to bring lunch and hold baby while you change the bed sheets and take a shower just say, “Yes!” with a relieved and grateful heart.
If asking for help makes you cringe, practice asking for small favors first. You’re on the couch feeding your little and forgot your cup of water, “Honey, can you please bring me my drink?”.
Now, It’s Time For You
You are committed to mothering yourself. It is now more important than ever. So, you have done the planning and organizing to make me-time possible and are daydreaming about the ways to get some balance in your new mom life.
What are you going to do, mama? What will make you feel nurtured, cared for, and like your cup has been filled?
Some things may be more “chill”. A bath. Knitting. Stretching time on your yoga mat. A solo, leisurely walk down the street.
You may feel energized by something more active like a run or getting out for errands.
Maybe some mindless screen time is what you are craving and you want to scroll Pinterest or thumb through your favorite magazine.
But who said that your me-time had to be alone time? Most of our time is spent with our loved ones, so it is important to find joy in everyday activities.
But change the pace. Don’t clean, cook, and wipe bottoms all day. If you wait for everything to be done then you will never stop to connect with yourself.
Is it a beautiful day outside? This is the perfect chance to put your napping little one next to you in his bouncy seat while you read a good book, get some fresh air, and watch the other kids play in the backyard. Despite your hesitation just go for it. You will be glad you did.
Moms’ bodies and minds are changing after delivery.
You are recovering. Not only did you just go through pregnancy and delivery, but aches, pains, and strains come along with new care and feeding routines.
Stretching can provide relief and can be done on the floor while baby is getting tummy time. If you are having pain or mobility issues that are not improving get those addressed by a professional. Some physical therapists advocate for treatment for every mom after having a new baby and chiropractic care is also a favorite of many new moms.
Be Intentional
Think about all the time and brainpower it requires to take care of your family and home. It doesn’t “just happen” that’s for sure.
Who knew that you had to be just as intentional about your own self-care ?!
Explore these ideas to fill your cup and to experience the benefits of practicing self care after baby’s arrival. Your body, heart, mind…and family will be glad you did. Good luck, mama! You’ve got this!
